NY Bribing 'Bron 'Bron With Boobies & Beef

TMZ: May 11, 2010: 

 "LeBron James just got the sweetest offer in the history of mankind to move from Cleveland to the New York Knicks -- a lifetime of free stripper action.

The Cleveland Cavaliers star -- who will become a free agent after this season -- is getting million-dollar offers from several franchises to make the switch to their team ... but if LeBron inks a deal with the Knicks, New York's premiere strip club Scores says it'll give the basketball star: 

- A free lifetime of lap dances

- A "LeBron James Day" when all the strippers will wear his jersey

- And free food for life at the strip club's very own steakhouse

Good luck competing with that Utah!  

Well Lebron, you've got quite the offer served fresh on a NY platter.  I mean how can you beat free lap dances, steaks, and honey dips wearing your jersey on a designated Lebron James day?  At some point you have to cut your losses and realize that life's necessities don't include a ring. Food, a city wide day in tribute to you, and strippers are a token of survival.  Sure you may not have the ice to flash while some dip is grinding on your junk, but at least you'll have a nice cut of beef at all times, right?

Sleepless in Seattle and The City That Never Sleeps... I Call Bullshit

New York Mets announcer Keith Hernandez passed out during an extra innings Mets game over the weekend, but he wasn't the only one to fall asleep on the job. In a Seattle Mariners game last week, 40 year old Ken Griffey Jr. was unavailable to pinch hit because he was asleep in the clubhouse. He went back to grab a jacket in the fifth inning, and never came back. The guy's old, he needed a quick nap I guess. Or maybe he felt like he was useless due to his .208 batting average this season.

These two instances should be a message to MLB Commissioner Bud Selig: Hey Bud, baseball games are boring. Try to find a way to speed them up, please. If you have players and announcers falling asleep (who are actually critically involved in the game), imagine how we as fans feel.

Daily Dudes: 'Jesus Christ' Water Walkers

"Liquid Mountaineering is a new sport which is attempting to achieve what man has tried to do for centuries: walk on water. Or to be more precise: running on water. We are developing the sport from scratch. By accident we found out that with the right water repellent equipment you can run across bodies of water, just like a stone skimming the surface. http://www.liquidmountaineering.blogspot.com . "

The Portuguese? Really? My first thought when I heard dudes were trying to walk on water led me to believe the asians were at it again. It sounds like some shit that would be attempted on Spike's "Most Extreme Elimination Challenge" show. Crazy thing about this is, these guys actually are walking on water. Not as impressive as the Jesus Christ Lizard, but they're definitely giving the little reptile a run for his money.  
Apparently it's all about technique though and not all about the water repellant shoes...? If all it really takes is approaching the water at a slight angle and pop-pop-poppin' those happy feet across the surface of the water, I'd love to see Usain Bolt walk the fuck over some H20.
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3 Things That Baffled Me Last Week (5/11)

DeSean Jackson’s comments on Donovan McNabb – People just refuse to leave Donovan McNabb alone. The other day, Eagles WR DeSean Jackson said that he was happy with Philadelphia’s decision to trade McNabb, as well as “I don’t think we lost anything, even with McNabb being gone.” Jackson’s not the first former teammate to take shots at McNabb. Remember T.O.? I just don’t understand the logic behind it. Both Jackson and T.O. made the Pro Bowl with Donovan McNabb throwing them the ball!

Of course, McNabb took the high road after these comments, like he always does. I respect the guy for that, but just once I would love to see him hit back and tell all the haters to shut the fuck up.

Bengals sign Pacman Jones – A match made in heaven. Eh, heaven doesn’t work actually. A match made in hell? Maybe jail?

What a bunch of idiots over there in the Cincinnati front office. How can anybody possibly think that Pacman Jones would be a good fit for the Cincinnati Bengals, who are trying to clean up an image problem after having about 376 players arrested over the past few years? I mean, the NFL personal conduct policy was pretty much invented for Pacman Jones.

Atlanta Hawks – Biggest fraud of a “contender” that I can remember in a long time. This is a team that only gets up to play the Boston Celtics, and managed to skate by with a losing record on the road, solely because they dominated at home. No real contender for an NBA championship has a losing record on the road. This is a team that got swept out of the second round of the playoffs (after barely squeaking by the injury-ridden Milwaukee Bucks in the first round), in one of the most lopsided series’ in NBA playoff history. And it was a 2 seed versus a 3 seed! It’s not like it was a 1 vs. 8 matchup. This is a team whose “superstar” player, Joe Johnson, pulled a Magic act of his own by disappearing in the second round against Orlando, and turned the Atlanta fans against him by calling them out for booing when their team was down 30 points at home. This is a team that far too many people got excited about. This is a team… that sucks.

Daily Dip: Jennifer Ellison

Introducing Jennifer Ellison, the 26-year old English actress, glamour model, television personality, dancer and singer. "Ellison is perhaps best known for playing Emily Shadwick in the television soap opera Brookside until 2003 and has recently made appearances in many different television shows, and as Meg Giry in the 2004 film adaptation of The Phantom of the Opera." -Wiki.  I think it's safe to say miss Ellison is best known for her Grand Tetons.  They are clearly the focal point of every shot anyone has ever taken or her, and it's almost embarrassing to disagree.  I mean they're popping out like prairie dogs!  Don't deny it, even you girls are looking at this point...

"Drake/Diane Mashup"- The White Panda

"Drake/Diane Mashup"- The White Panda: Download

The White Panda's team up for a hot mash of John Mellencamp's classic joint, "Jack and Diane" with dat new new Drizzy Drake, "Over" to bring you a party poppin' classic.

White Castle to offer sliding smelling candles

(AP) COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) - Fans of White Castle's oniony hamburgers have a new way to indulge without any calorie guilt: a scented candle infused with the burgers' aroma.

The Columbus, Ohio-based fast-food chain this week introduced candles that smell like its Slider burgers in a promotion with Autism Speaks. Proceeds from the sale of the $10 candles will benefit the New York-based charity.

The candles resemble a packaged White Castle burger and are being sold at the company's restaurants and on its website. The wax is encased in a ceramic holder that looks like a Slider's cardboard sleeve.

All right, so what the fuck is going on with these promotions these days. First we had "Buckets for the Cure" where you'd buy a KFC Bucket and 50 cents of cost got donated for Breast Cancer. Now we have White Castle offering burger scented candles with the money going to a New York based-charity. Sounds like a great idea, except they forgot one thing.

As soon as you light this candle you're going to say, "Oh my fucking god, that smells amazing and go straight to White Castle and indulge on a slider"....or 20.

I don't know what's going on these days, but these ideas to help charities are definitely starting to contribute to the obesity problem in America.

PS- How many candles are going to be bought by stoned teenagers who think this is a great idea?